Is it time?

So after a few weeks of inner turmoil and anguish, in addition to soul searching, thinking, trying to believe that there is something good in me after all, I guess I can say that there really isn't. It's a sad reality that some people are brought into this world to do nothing but create personal anarchy, chaos, and hurt amongst those they feel love for, those that are close friends, and the people around them that say they are there to help and talk to. My internal disorder and rabid angst toward myself needs to come to a halt and I really don't know any other way to fix it. The inevitable may be closer now than it ever has been in my life before. I am now constantly asking myself -and whatever God there is watching over me- what's the use of continuing the burden that I leave with those that I have in my life? Are the evils of my soul finally beginning to out-weigh the goods? What can I do to fix everything that I have destroyed? Is there even a way for me to redeem myself in the eyes of my loved ones and God? I don't believe there is. So for those who actually read these words of self loathing, I am sorry. I don't mean to bring any anger or pain to you or anyone else. I mean to stop the hurting, both within my mind and of those around me. I have loved and have been loved. But it's not the case anymore. I don't know where I am going from here, I only knew where I have been.. God Bless You All....